OKCupid Email

I joined OKCupid mostly out of competition.  I didn't want to be left out when my ex-boyfriend started using it.  I haven't had much luck on the site yet, but I do enjoy using the site.  It's fun and has some cool features.  The OKCupid blog has awesome research, too.

But I'm writing this post because I got this email from them that I just love it so much.  They realize that "straight dudes" can be annoying!  I, personally, haven't had any serious issues with icky guys, but I like that OKCupid is trying to take care of me.  So here's their email:

We've got a quick site improvement to share.

You can now hide your OkCupid profile from straight users. This means straight people can't find you in match results (even if they search for bisexual women), and they can't load your profile page.

Why turn this privacy setting on?

• maybe you're not out to everyone yet
• maybe you don't want straight dudes hitting on you
• maybe you enjoy clicking checkboxes on web pages

All of these are good reasons to take advantage of this new feature.

Thank you for using OkCupid and please let us know how we can keep improving. Then tell your friends how sweet we are.

My Two Weeks with Gram

This is not post about the two times that Gram took me with her to Finland for two weeks each.  Those were awesome experiences, but I wrote about them in actual journals/diaries, so no recap here.  No, this blog is about the two weeks with her over the winter holiday of 2010.  It was the last two weeks that I’ll ever get with her.

In September, she moved into an assisted living home.  She wasn't able to live alone anymore because it was dangerous because of how weak she had become and how she couldn't hear well, and she was scared to be alone at night.  She liked the place at first, but then complained about a lot.  I called her more than my normal once-a-week because she was bored and lonely.  Her doctor said that she was doing better at the place, but then he found cancer.  No wonder she was so weak!  They started radiation treatment (not chemo) to try to reduce the mass for quality of life.  There was no talk of curing it.  The hope was just that they could make her more comfortable until she got too weak to take it.

She had a few treatments, then a few days before I was to go home for the holidays, she fell and broke her hip.  They had to do surgery, but no one expected her to survive.  It was a long night, but she did make it through!  She's so stubborn!!

Getting out of surgery, though, she was very confused.  She ranted a lot, and didn't know what was going on.  I finally got home and was able to see her, but she didn't recognize me for a long time.  Then I had to leave right when she was getting a bit more aware!  It was hard to not have her understand that I was finally back, but what was worse was that she was unhappy.  She got a little better each day, though.  Even during one of her rants, she was asking for something to eat, but couldn't tell us what she wanted.  So I offered some suggestions, like steak or salmon.  She told me to be quiet.  Well.  I guess she still has her feisty streak!  But she also said that we could stay as long as we wanted, even though she was tired.  Still sweet, too. 

She was more aware and happy when they finally moved her back to the assisted living place. She was on an IV in the hospital, though, and not in her room.  Everyone started a campaign to get her to eat.  The cancer doctor had said that she just wouldn’t be hungry, though.  And with her stubbornness, it was a losing battle. 

The first time that I visited her back at her room, she was sleeping.  The nurse said that she'd been sleeping all day, and she couldn't really wake her.  This worried me a lot.  I was preparing for her to never wake up.  But I went back later that day, with a book, and just sat by her.  I read my book, and talked to her.  After a couple hours, she slowly started to wake up and interact.  It was so heartwarming for me.  We talked, and she asked for things.  I got her coffee!  She told me what "December" is in Finnish (Joulokuu).  She knew me, and knew I was there.  

She was sleeping when I first went by next, so I went back later.  She was awake, and when I asked if she'd had dinner, she said that she hadn't but she was interested in soup.  So that was good.  In addition to asking for soup, she also wanted to get to the gym to do her walking.  That woman is amazing, but clearly confused.  We talked more again.  I love to hear her stories, and am so sad that all of her knowledge and experiences will be lost.  I try to learn as much about her and her life as I can, but my memory is so shoddy that I'm not sure how much good I'm doing. 

On Christmas, I was only able to visit once.  Luckily she was awake when I got there.  I brought a few slices of Finnish cardamon bread that I made, but told her that she needed to get her teeth in and dip it in coffee because it was a little tough.  She was happy to get it, but she was never able to eat it.  She had been agitated about going out to eat all morning.  She seemed a bit confused about getting out of bed, but eventually we got her to agree to just sit on the edge of the bed.  She wasn’t able to move the leg with the repaired hip, but she could move the other one.  She sat on the edge of the bed and leaned on me for quite a while, then she got tired and went to sleep.  It was a good visit, although I missed hearing more of her stories. 

I visited again after my family did our Christmas.  She was pretty insistent on things.  I was concerned that she was agitated and confused, but mostly it turned out that I was confused.  Once I figured out what she was saying or referring to, she made a lot of sense.  She ate only a little.  When she could see that I was frustrated, and probably going to try to get her to eat more, she threatened me!  She said that if we were going to fight with her about eating more, that she just wouldn’t tell us when she wanted to eat.  Oh my.  So stubborn and manipulative.  So, Gram wins again.  I had to shut up.  She again told me to be quiet, when I was trying to convince her to eat more.  She immediately said that she loves me, though.  I guess it was a good visit.  Especially since I was more confused than she was.  Her manipulation may be a good sign, showing that she’s aware enough to tell me what to do, and make me do it!  But in the end, her not eating will make us all lose.

There were several visits in which she didn’t seem interested in conversation, and wouldn’t eat much.  On one visit, I asked if she thought that she’d make it to her birthday; she said no.  I’m not sure that she knew that her birthday was only a few days away.  I wasn’t sure, but I thought that she’d probably make it.  I swear she’s keeping it together through strength of will so it’s difficult to know how long she’ll be with us.  A few days?  A month?  It’s getting harder to be with her.  May be because she’s getting more and more tired.  That’s what happens when you don’t eat and have cancer, I guess.

Her birthday was really hard for me.  She had gotten significantly worse in the day that I hadn’t seen her.  Not only was she not eating, but she wasn’t drinking, either.  Because her mouth was so dry, she couldn’t talk, either.  I started to cry, and then the kids and my sister and brother-in-law arrived.  I tried to keep it together for the kids, but couldn’t.  Gram was in okay spirits, and I didn’t want to make her sad, so I sorta tried to stay out of her vision.  My sister’s family spent time alone with her to say goodbye, then my Mom did the same.  When the kids left, my sister’s youngest went to the bed, and with a sad voice, said, “Bye, Gram.”  It still makes me cry.  I didn’t want to cry in front of her, so I stayed back for awhile.  I told her that I admired her and how great she was, but I didn’t say goodbye.  I stayed after everyone else had gone; partly trying to stop crying so I could talk to Gram and partly because I really wasn’t sure if I would see her alive again.  I told her that I would be by tomorrow, and asked if she would be here.  I was being serious, wondering if she thought that she would leave us by then.  She laughed, though; maybe she thought that I was making a joke about her getting up out of bed and having an adventure. 

The next day, she was pretty uncomfortable.  She kept shifting, and couldn’t find a position that didn’t hurt.  I kept asking if she wanted medication, but she’d say no.  Eventually, a staff member noticed her discomfort and gave her medication.  It didn’t really help, so they gave her more pretty soon after that.  She wasn’t sleeping when I was talking to her, so I was quiet while I waited for her to sleep.  I left soon after that.

She was sleeping when I visited last.  She had been in pain, so the staff gave her high doses of pain medication.  I knew she wouldn’t wake up while I was there, but I was happy that she wasn’t in pain.  I said a few things to her and read my book next to her bed.  I didn’t really cry this visit.  When I left, I sang her a lullaby from my singing class. 

She died on a Tuesday.  Peacefully. 

I miss her and love her.  There’ll never be another like her, but I’ve learned so much about being a good person, a sweet and strong person, an adventurer, from her.  I’ll take that with me, always. 

New Year's Eve 2010 (2011?)

For over 5 years, I've gone on a midnight walk/run with my aunts on New Year's Eve.  NYE had become a stressful holiday to try to find some party to go to and someone to kiss, so I left it all behind and did something different: run through Portland at midnight!  A few years ago, my niece started going with us.  We actually ran sometimes because she wanted now, instead of just walking.  I had lots more fun because I loved watching her watch people.  She loved to watch people dance at the after-party, eat as many of the snacks and cookies as she wanted, and we talked about all of the crazy outfits that people had on.  I always enjoyed the regular NYE revelers who leave the bars to cheer us on.  Before the walk, I always took my niece to coffee, too; a special time with Auntie.

This year, I sent out a Facebook invite to my friends who might be in the area to try to get a bigger group.  Then my niece decided to go to her youth group party instead of the run.  She's 12 going on 20 right now, so it's very understandable.  As I watched the weather reports, and the temperature went down, down, and down, I started to reconsider going myself.  I've been re-connecting with old friends from high school in the area, so the search for a party would have been much easier.  But I didn't want to back out on my aunts.

As I was reconsidering, I heard from a couple of friends that they were actually thinking of going!  But then my aunts didn't want to go!  In the end, a friend from high school, two of her friends, and a friend from Orange County (who happened to be near the area for the holidays) went on the run with me.  I hadn't seen my high school friend in years, so that was nice!

We got there about 10:30pm and registered.  It was about 20 degrees!  We were cold, so we went to the closest restaurant (Macaroni Grill) and ordered hot beverages and appetizers.  They closed at 11pm, and we left around 11:30pm.  Just in time to line up for the race!  My OC friend didn't bring his running clothes, so he waited for us at the Finish Line, but I did get a kiss from him at midnight!  We lost my high school friend's friends before the run even started, but my HS friend and I stayed together for awhile.  I didn't even use my headphones at first.  At the half-way turn-around point, I let the others go and started walking.  Even though I've been training for a 5k, I usually run and walk the 1.5 mile course with my family on NYE, so this was quite a change! 

I ran and walked the last half.  During the run, I decided that I didn't like running and wouldn't do another 5k.  But then I finished and didn't do as well as I thought (36 minutes), so now I want to run more and improve my time.  I'm not sure why I didn't do as well as I expected.  May be the cold?  I do remember thinking, "That calamari was a bad idea!" during the run, though!

I was about ready to pass out after the run, but was looking forward to after-party and snacks.  My friends wanted to go to their friends' house, though, so we headed over.  They had some great snacks, including my favorite type of cheese (Camembert with blue).  We hung out for a few more hours, then went home.  My OC friend left the next day, before I even woke up, to finish his drive down to Cali.  I eventually woke up and went to visit Gram on her 97th, and last, birthday.  It was a tough day, but more on that later.  May be. 

So this past NYE was full of friends from the present and past to join me on a traditional activity (for me) done in a different way.  New and old, it worked!

Auntie Day 2010

Although my sister told us that themes for Auntie Day are sometimes stressful, she did use the theme that I suggested for this year’s Auntie Day: teacher.  I thought that this could help me find a full-time teaching job, and celebrate my return to teaching and the end of the semester.  We celebrated a day later because my brother-in-law had to work on the “official” day (Dec 28^th).  

Auntie arrived at the kids’ house to Mom giving her a schedule, and all the kids telling her that school would start with an assembly.  Like in high school, the grades competed for spirit; each kid was a grade (based on age) and Auntie was the senior class.  We played “Teacher Says…” and the senior won!!  

First period was Language Arts.  We had discussion questions about teaching and school and teachers, and we all shared our experiences and opinions.  The kids sometimes had trouble answering the questions because they had fewer years of school than the rest of us.  The adults had trouble because we couldn’t remember all of our teachers!  Even so, Gramma had lots to share.  Auntie could answer most questions relatively easily because she had 30 years of school and teachers to pull from.  Sheesh.

Second period was Science.  We worked in teams (kids vs. adults) to see who could get a bottle of soda to spray highest with Mentos.  We did this outside, and it started snowing a little, but the adults won!  After Auntie got sprayed by the kids’ Diet Dr. Pepper a little.  :/

Then we went to lunch at a buffet, because they use trays like school cafeterias.  Mom hates buffets, so it was very nice of her to sacrifice for Auntie.  

After lunch, third period was Math, but before that went to Math class, we did a word find that the oldest had made with words related to school.  For the math exercise, there were math flashcards hidden around the house.  We were to find them, do the math, and be the first one to get the answers to their flashcards to add up to 100.  The oldest two kids did it within two cards, but Auntie was just not good at this game.  She had about 20 cards, most of them found by her nephew, and she still needed help putting them together to equal 100.  Those kids are math whizzes!

The last period was PE, and we played Wii Sports.  We got Gramma to make a Mii, and bowl!  It was fun and funny.  The kids started fighting, though, so we ended PE quickly, and didn’t get to the Chess Club extra-curricular activity.  Detention instead.  Gramma gave Auntie gifts that she  can use when teaching, like pens and stickers.  

It was another great Auntie Day!  Everyone had fun, especially Auntie M!

Auntie Day 2009

Since my niece will be out of town on our official Auntie Day this year, we re-scheduled for yesterday.  It felt strange to me to celebrate it on the wrong day, even though the whole holiday is just something that we made up.  We picked the 28th as a convenient date, not that it had any real significance or anything.

Anyway, to fit Auntie Day in, we had lunch and watched a movie before going to my Gram's.  Gram Nite is every Wednesday, no matter what the real or created holiday.  This year's Auntie Day theme was Star Trek since we all had watched the new movie together when it came out.  My sister did a wonderful job with the theme.  She had us competing to see who could speak the most Klingon and all of the food had Star Trek names.  The plomeek soup was not the traditional Vulcan recipe (as described by Neelix in his cookbook), but she still put in a lot of effort to make the day special.

I brought 3 Star Trek movies to choose from to watch, and my sister chose First Contact.  We fast-forwarded a part when the Borg Queen and Data were talking about sex, and there was more swearing than was necessary, but I think that it was okay for the kids.  I did have to explain a lot to them, like about what and who the Borg were, that Picard had been previously assimilated, etc., too.  What struck me about the Borg was that they were an interesting combination of zombies and robots, plus a little vampire thrown in (at least in the movie when they assimiliated crewmembers by puncturing their necks with two tiny tubes).  So Star Trek was ahead of the zombie-craze curve.

Although I get embarrassed by talk of how I'm a good aunt, I do enjoy that part; this Auntie Day was a little more focused on the theme of Star Trek than on me as an aunt.  All in all, another good Auntie Day, though.

Auntie Day 2008

[Somehow I've lost Auntie Day 2007?!]

Auntie Day was another success this year!  Oh, you haven't heard of Auntie Day?  Well, that's because my family made it up because I am a very, very, VERY involved aunt and I kept complaining that there's no day to celebrate me.  Like there's Grandparent's Day, Father's and Mother's Day, there's even Boss's and Arbor Day!  But nothing for us devoted aunts.

Last year was a Star Wars theme (my sister likes themes).  This year was SuperWoman.

They first took me out to lunch (my choice), and I chose a restaurant that my sister never lets us go to.  But after going, she decided that she likes it!  Then we went to her house, and I stayed out in the slush while they got everything ready.  When I walked in, the three kids had on capes with the Superman "S" on it, and Alicia Keys's Superwoman was playing.  I even got to wear an S on my chest!  There was a notepad with the S on it, and each kid wrote something in it.  D. wrote that he loved me, A. wished me a happy Auntie Day, and K. said that I had super auntie powers!  There were also decorations with the S, and I got dominoes with Spiderman on them.  My Mom got me a Starbucks card to take the kids out with.  They also went around the table and said what they liked about Auntie.  I learned that they like when I play soccer with them, so we'll do more of that when it warms up.

My favorite part, though, was the whole family lip-syncing to Superwoman.  The boys danced, K. was shy, my sister belted it out, my brother-in-law rocked the air bass, and my Mom wore one of those head-mics, but for a kid so it looked super-funny.  As many of you know, I am a sucker for shameless.  And that rendition was definitely all about being shameless.  I loved it.  It means a lot when people are willing to embarress themselves for you, you know?

My sister said that she's running out of theme ideas, so I suggested do a teacher one when I get a teaching job.  Any other ideas?

Inaugural Auntie Day (2006)

[Before I post this year's Auntie Day description, I thought that I'd update this blog with the descriptions from prior Auntie Days from my now-defunct blog.]

I'm sure you've never noticed, but there is no holiday to celebrate aunts or uncles.

As there should be, there's Mother's Day; it was started as an anti-war effort, a cause true to my heart, but I also support its current manifestation of appreciating all that mothers do.  I often go a little crazy and support not just my mother but the many important mothers whom I know and am impressed by.

There's a Father's Day, which is tough for me because my father is not very good at being a father.  How do you show "appreciation" for someone that you don't really appreciate?  Luckily my brother-in-law is a great father so I have someone to honor and appreciate every Father's Day.

There's Grandparents Day, which is somewhat redundent since, by definition, those folks are also already parents.  There's even Boss's Day and Administrative Assistant Day!  Hey, they aren't even family!  Although we probably spend more time with them than we do with our families. :(  But what about the aunts and uncles of the world?!  Don't we support our families?  Where's the love?  I can understand parents not caring whether they're honored for also being an aunt or uncle, but what about all those single folks out there?  For some of us, being an aunt or uncle is the closest that we every will be, or want to be, to being a parent.  We're still involved in the lives of children, and, in some small way, we may help raise healthy, happy humans.

Granted, most of these holidays are really Hallmark holidays designed to make you feel guilty if you don't buy presents, but I still wanted one so that my family could show their appreciation for me.  May be I'm selfish. 
If you know me, though, you know that I'm probably the most involved aunt that you've ever met.  I've never met an aunt more involved than me, and I can only imagine it if the aunt was actually raising the kids.  That's the only way that you could be more involved, I think.  Well, may be if you were the full-time babysitter.  Regardless, my niece and nephews are the lights of my life.  I never understood unconditional love until I met my niece in the airport when she was about 2 months old.  I visit them 6 times a year, even though I live in a different state.  I flew home once just to be there when my nephew took his first sauna.

Anyway, my family had talked about the lack of an Auntie Day, so we created one.  After several years of deciding on what the date would be, we decided on December 28th.  I liked that day because I knew that I'd already be around my family for other holidays so I wouldn't have to make an extra trip, and it was past the craziness of gift-buying.

This year was our inaugural celebration.  Auntie Day 2006!  It was a little hard to explain when people asked, "What are you doing tonight?", and we'd say something like, "Well, we're celebrating a pretend holiday..." but it was nice nonetheless.  I had the day off from babysitting, so I actually got to sleep in and have the day to myself.  Then we went to dinner at a restaurant of my choice (I wanted a Benihana's-type place, but we went to a Mongolian grill instead).  My sister made a mocha chocolate cake for me.  The kids decorated a chair for me, and made a sign.  K also created a game for Auntie Day- Auntie Memory!  She wrote things that I like on pieces of paper and we matched them.  Examples of things on the pairs were "Star Wars", the kids' names, and "Your family loves you."  Very, very sweet.  And I even won the game!  I got gifts, too!  My sister gave me a gift certificate for a massage, which was way too expensive, and my Mom gave me a blanket and children's book so that we could snuggle and read.

Anyway, even though we had to make it up, it was a great holiday.  I'm glad that my family appreciates me, and I'm glad that my sister lets me love on her kids and be as involved as I am.  So honor those who helped raise you or your kids, even if they aren't parents or grandparents.

I can't wait for Auntie Day 2007!