Friends Across the Nation

I was looking my Facebook filter that I call "Close Friends".  It currently has 14 people in it (with one person twice, so 15 names).  I find it interesting that my close friends are spread across the country.  They live in states that I currently live, states that I used to live in, states that I've only visited, and one state that I've never visited or lived in!  Here's the breakdown:

California:  5
Washington: 4
Texas: 3
Nebraska: 1
North Carolina (I think; she's moved a lot!): 1

This is cool, and makes me proud of these friendships that we can survive well enough at this distance that I still consider them my good friends.  We must put effort into our friendship, be good communicators, and be understanding and flexible with each other to have that kind of friendship.  On the other hand, there are only 5 in my immediate vicinity.  And I might take one or two out of this filtered group; we're not really close and never have been, but I wish that we were. 

Even though 14 might seem like a pretty decent social network, there are some major impracticalities to having such close friends at a distance.  First is the fact that I can't just call and say "come over!"  Really, with the geography and traffic of where I live, I can only do that with one or two people as it is. 
Second, time zones kill me!  So often when I have time and want to talk, it's already super-late for my close friends.  Living on the west coast, it's always later for my friends.  And they all know better than to try to call me too early in the morning!  Seriously, one of them needs to move to Hawaii.  ;)

I guess a good next step is to cultivate my local friendship, and get that one or two to at least three or four!

PoF Adventures: Tool

Plenty of Fish makes you choose whether you're interested in men or women, not both.  This really bothers me.   Currently, I have it set for men but say in my profile that I'm bisexual.  After the "not interested" guy, two attractive guys messaged me at the same time, and then emailed me.  The first emailed once or twice then asked to text.  So on Monday, we were texting back and forth most of the day.  One of his first texts asked for pictures.  Even though I have several recent pictures on PoF (more than he does), I directed him to my old MySpace site.  I had kept up the pictures on that until just a few months ago. 
I guess I passed that test, because he kept texting me.  In the afternoon, he asks if I've ever had a threesome.  I immediately think, "OMG, that's what this is all about!"  I asked if he had a girlfriend, to see if he was looking for a third.  His next text said that he was basically trying to find two women to have a threesome with.  Oy vay.  So I tell him that I'm not interested, that I want a relationship.  His next text, I shit you not, "So, would any of your friends be interested?"  OMG, like bisexual women just hang out with other bisexual women and talk about having sex together with random guys?!  I couldn't even believe it, so I didn't respond. 

Like my friend Robert said, that guy's a tool.  It was another case of an attractive guy not being what I want. May be my stereotype of attractive guys isn't all that off?

Anyway, I immediately emailed the other Plenty of Fish guy, and said that if he was just looking for a threesome, that he should keep looking.  He said that he's interested in more than sex, so we'll see.

PoF Adventures: Not Interested

I'm on the dating website Plenty of Fish (PoF).  I got on it because my ex-boyfriend said  that it the biggest dating website.  Sadly, you can say that you are interested in women or men, but not both.  I had it on women for a long time, but was only getting pretty butch women to contact me.  I switched it to men, and have had better luck.  I'm not attracted to many of the guys who message me, but it's nice to get contacts.

I've learned a few things about PoF. First, if you have a profile picture of you in Disney ears, eating a Micky Mouse ice cream, guys suggest that you go on a date to Disneyland. I finally had to put in my profile that I'm not actually a fan of Disney.

I’ve also learned that guys follow whether you’ve messaged other people. As soon as I sent one response, I started getting all of these other inquiries. This one guy seemed attractive and active, so I responded back. First, I’m actually suspicious of attractive guys contacting me. I figure they’re just trying to get laid. Not only is this totally discriminatory, but it sorta ensures that I end up with someone that I’m not attracted to! 

But this guy’s message was also pretty vague.  He said something like, "Hey, I like your profile."  So I messaged back, asking what in my profile he liked.  His two responses were that I lived near him and that I seemed to like simple things.  Ooooooookay.  Let's definitely build a relationship off of that!  But I responded, saying that I had moved so I actually didn't live that close.  He responded that that was okay.  That seemed weird to me because I just knocked out one of the two reasons why he said that he was interested in me; 50% of my interest should've been gone!  But I gave him my email address anyway, and then he messaged that *I* didn't seem interested.  Whatever.  I almost argued with him, but then just decided to let it go.  We clearly weren't compatible. 

Soon I'll post about another guy from PoF.  The dating scene is rough these days!

Addicted?

Last week, I was feeling really behind on packing for an upcoming move.  So I told myself that I wasn't going to go to the gym after work.  I would go straight home and back. 

Well, on Monday I did go straight home.  But then I went on my 3-mile run.  I  hadn't ran in awhile, and didn't want to lose my momentum!  It took less time than it takes to go to the gym, so I did have time to pack that night.

A few days later, I figure that I'm on-schedule for the movers (after I postponed them a few days), so I decided to go to the gym.  I did pack some that night.  But I also turned on the first season of Heroes.  OMG, I love, love, LOVE that show!!  I watched for 3-4 hours into the night.

Now, the Heroes is not really an addiction.  I mean, I can stop anytime that I want.  And even if it is, I only have a couple of discs left.  And I'm not watching past the first season because everyone tells me that it gets bad.  But the gym, or working out in general?  I told myself that I wouldn't! But, then I did.  Sure, circumstances made it more feasible than I had predicted, but still?  Being addicted to exercise is definitely one of the best addictions to have, and I love being lazy enough that I'm not concerned that I'll take it too far.  It still makes me wonder if my interest is more like a compulsion, or more me being responsible (rigid?) in trying to meet one of my goals?

Openness

The online dating site PlentyOfFish.com (PoF) gives you the option to take a personality test.  It describes your personality in a lot of different areas, and describes how these will impact your relationships.  Although it got most of me right, and this blog is about one area that I think it got right, that I am highly open to try to new things.  It had a caution attached to this: "But, your openness might occasionally cause a certain degree of dependency on your end because you may be so open that you easily adopt the preferences and habits of your partners and gradually relinquish things that make you so unique."  I found this intriguing and thought-provoking.

I can totally see what it's saying.  It's like that movie Runaway Bride.  In it, Julia Roberts' character likes her eggs cooked in whatever way her current fiance likes his eggs cooked.  If he likes them scrambled, so does she.  If the next one likes them over-easy, that's her favorite way to eat them.  SPOILER (sorta):  In the end, she finds herself, and realizes that she doesn't even like eggs!  I've considered this phenomenon in relation to myself, but haven't thought hard about it.  The PoF survey should make me stop and think.  If I'm so open to new things, it might be really easy to conform to who I'm with.  Especially since I think that I'm the kind of partner who wants to spend lots of time with their significant other, so that necessitates that we participate in the same activities.  I don't want to drop my activities to do theirs! 

I'm now more aware that it's a challenge of mine to keep my own things, my own quirks and unique hobbies.  At the beginning of relationships, I find it exciting to learn about the person's life, to participate in their activities and meet their friends.  May be because so much of that would be new to me.  I imagine that most of these things would quickly become "not new" for me, and I'd want to continue to seek out new and exciting activities, though.  I guess I need to find someone who is as passionate as I am for trying new things.

Also, I highly value independence, so being dependent on someone because I adapt to their (more stable?  sedentary?) habits and interests is problematic for me, fundamentally.


Finally, how did PoF get me wrong?  It said that I wasn't rigid or linear.  Seriously?  If you've read the Coffee Day blog, or know me AT ALL, you know that PoF totally got it wrong on that one!

Coffee Day

Awhile ago, I instituted Coffee Day at work.  I decided that drinking several cups of coffee a day, each with several tablespoons of creamer, was not helping my effort to eat healthier and lose weight.
There's been some confusion about Coffee Day, however.  See, it only applies when I'm at work.  For example, yesterday was not Coffee Day, so I had tea at work.  Then I went out to dinner and had pie (for Pi Day), so of course I had coffee with my Red Velvet Cake cream pie.  Because the after-dinner coffee was not at work, yesterday was not my Coffee Day.
Today is my Coffee Day because I had an early-morning reception at work.  I was hoping for coffee and croissants, but only got the coffee part.  
Anyway, now, I have fat-free creamer at work.  So I'm re-thinking this whole Coffee Day plan.  My biggest diet hurdle is fat, so may be I can drink unlimited creamed coffee if the creamer is fat-free?  I might decide to make an exception to having only one Coffee Day a week while I have the fat-free creamer, but it makes for a somewhat unsatisfying cup of coffee so I probably won't get that kind again.

Conversation with IT Guy from Work

Note: IT Guy (ITG) has a somewhat thick accent.  I think he's from Egypt. He's soft-spoken and uber-polite.

Me:  Blah blah blah, the boxy thing that shows all of my files, Explorer or something, crashes when I use the web editor, blah blah.

ITG: I've actually never heard of that problem.

Me: So I'm special?

ITG: [apologetically] No, you're not special.

Me: What, I'm not special?
ITG: [nervously, and with some stammering]  No, no, you're very special.  Uh, I'll come over right away and see what I can do.

Super-sweet IT guy.  He's fun to poke.  But it's always at my expense, or I'm overly nice to him.  I'm not the kind to play on someone's niceness or different social skills to be mean.

BTW, he never figured out the problem; Windows Explorer is still crashing on me when I'm updating our website.