I've heard about Blazing Saddles for a couple years now, since I've been hanging out with self-identified geeks. Before that, I just thought that it was a regular John Wayne-esqe Western like the Dirty Dozen or something. I finally watched it last night.
It's hard for me to like crazy cinematic moves like destroying the fourth wall. It's just not my style. I'm still not sure what I think about the Scott Pilgrim movie. In Blazing Saddles, I was sitting there confused; why are they acting like their characters but on different sets?
Then there was the obvious racial issues. I get that it was critiquing racism, using stereotypes to make fun of the stereotypes. The problem is that White people probably think that it's funny because it's exaggerating stereotypes and the true nature of Black people, while Blacks are probably thinking that it's making fun of Whites and the inaccurate and ridiculous stereotypes that they hold. So the racial satire could still be confirming the stereotypes for Whites. Not cool.
And the social issue that wasn't mentioned at all was sexism. There were two women in this film: a school marm and a prostitute. Not exactly a great diversity of characters. At least neither of them were really stereotypical.
I'm glad that I watched it, but I don't think that I liked it. I was told to watch it again, that I would find it more amusing. Um, not so sure that I'm up for that in the near, you know, ever. But you never know!
Monday, February 28, 2011
Prayer as Meditation
I attended an adult religious education workshop at my new UU church that is designed to help participants recognize their own spiritual path. The first session was about being open to different religions, religious practices, and religious ideas since they might actually have components that fit you well. Basically, it was about leaving your religious baggage at the door.
As the the workshop was made up of UU's, we targeted prayer as a practice that we might have baggage around. We compared prayer to our ideas of meditation, then practiced a prayer/meditation. Our activity was to imagine three different people, wish something positive for them, to hope that something positive and somewhat specific happens for them.
The first person that we were to choose someone was someone that we're close to and love. I chose Gram. She's gone, so I wasn't sure what she might need. I chose to wish that she knew how much I loved her and how much I admired her, how much we all loved and were inspired by her, before she left us. And even though I don't believe in heaven, I hoped that she could look down and see us happy. I believe that people's energy returns to the cosmos, usually dissipating itself. But Gram was so stubborn that I can imagine her holding her energy together for awhile. ;) Anyway, this part of the exercise had my crying.
The second part of the activity was to wish/hope for positive things for someone that you don't know. I chose someone at work who is a single parent to her own kids as well as other family members' kids. I wished peace, rest, and happiness for her. For me, this was the easiest one of the three people.
The third person was someone that you are in conflict with. I chose my ex. I was definitely in conflict with him that week! It was really hard to think of something positive that I wanted to send him. Well, something positive for him, rather than positive for me. ;) I think that I ended up wishing that he really does find someone who fits him, who loves all of the parts that I loved as well as someone who can love and appreciate all of the parts that drove me crazy. I teared up a bit on this one, too.
This was an emotional activity for me. In our discussion after the prayer/meditation, most of the other participants mentioned how it was difficult to find someone that they didn't know well but still wanted to wish good things for. Two of the 11 participants wished positive things for me as the person that they don't know well. That makes me feel pretty special; they could've chosen any of the hundreds of people that they run into regularly and they chose me!
I have to miss the next two classes, and may change congregations, but this workshop made me feel even more connected to the congregation. It also supported me after a very tough week. Thank you, UU prayer!
As the the workshop was made up of UU's, we targeted prayer as a practice that we might have baggage around. We compared prayer to our ideas of meditation, then practiced a prayer/meditation. Our activity was to imagine three different people, wish something positive for them, to hope that something positive and somewhat specific happens for them.
The first person that we were to choose someone was someone that we're close to and love. I chose Gram. She's gone, so I wasn't sure what she might need. I chose to wish that she knew how much I loved her and how much I admired her, how much we all loved and were inspired by her, before she left us. And even though I don't believe in heaven, I hoped that she could look down and see us happy. I believe that people's energy returns to the cosmos, usually dissipating itself. But Gram was so stubborn that I can imagine her holding her energy together for awhile. ;) Anyway, this part of the exercise had my crying.
The second part of the activity was to wish/hope for positive things for someone that you don't know. I chose someone at work who is a single parent to her own kids as well as other family members' kids. I wished peace, rest, and happiness for her. For me, this was the easiest one of the three people.
The third person was someone that you are in conflict with. I chose my ex. I was definitely in conflict with him that week! It was really hard to think of something positive that I wanted to send him. Well, something positive for him, rather than positive for me. ;) I think that I ended up wishing that he really does find someone who fits him, who loves all of the parts that I loved as well as someone who can love and appreciate all of the parts that drove me crazy. I teared up a bit on this one, too.
This was an emotional activity for me. In our discussion after the prayer/meditation, most of the other participants mentioned how it was difficult to find someone that they didn't know well but still wanted to wish good things for. Two of the 11 participants wished positive things for me as the person that they don't know well. That makes me feel pretty special; they could've chosen any of the hundreds of people that they run into regularly and they chose me!
I have to miss the next two classes, and may change congregations, but this workshop made me feel even more connected to the congregation. It also supported me after a very tough week. Thank you, UU prayer!
Unexpected Regret
I never expected that I'd stay with all of the people that I might fall in love with. But I never expected to regret giving them my heart. I always assumed that it wouldn't work out with some people, but that I would learn and grow from them. And that we would love each other during and after our romance. It never occurred to me that I might regret believing that they loved me. But it feels like I gave him my heart in a little box, and that he threw it in the corner. And occasionally steps on it. Since we broke up, I pretty much have had no indication that he ever cared for me. I identify with the pain in this Pink song, but I actually do believe him. I didn't want to at first, but now I'm really starting to consider that whatever he felt for me was easy enough for him to dismiss. That when we chose to separate, that he whole-heartedly left me behind. That's what I didn't expect. I expected him to treat me with extra caring and compassion, with sensitivity. To be thoughtful and empathetic in our interactions. I knew that we'd move on; I never expected that he'd remain single or celibate. I just wanted to know that he still cared. I wanted my trust to be justified by his actions even after we broke up. But I've seen no evidence that cares now, just evidence of the contrary.
There's always that the chance that he's not able to show me caring or compassion, instead of unwilling to be sensitive and empathetic. But in the end, it really doesn't matter the reason why. What do you do when you give someone your heart and they discard it? I don't know how to get it back. I guess I'll just have to leave a piece with him, and keep going.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Giving Blood
Posted on MySpace on October 13th, 2008
One of the last times that I gave blood, I passed out. Apparently a low-carb granola bar doesn't count as "lunch".
But then the next three or four times, I was rejected for low iron. I did everything that I was supposed to do to keep my iron. Like avoid caffeine prior to donating, to eat high-iron foods, take vitamins, etc. Still, too low all of those times.
So last week at the blood drive at work, I decided to try again. If nothing else, I would get some time away from my desk to fill out the paperwork. So I didn't have coffee for a few days (torture!) and I ate a big burger the day before (because I hadn't had a lot of red meat lately). I was pretty sure that I wouldn't be able to because I was on my period.
While filling out the paperwork, a young student next to me kept asking me questions about giving blood. She was nervous and it was her first time. So I would read, "Have you ever had sex for money or drugs?" and then I would hear "How long does it take?"
No. Not long once you're in there, the longest part is waiting and the paperwork.
"In the past year, have you had sex with someone who has spent more than 6 months in Africa since 1990?" "Does it hurt?"
No. It pinches at first. The needle is long, so it's best not to look at it while it's going in.
"In the past year, have you had sex with someone who has had sex with someone who has spent more than 6 months in Africa since 1990?" "This is my first time."
No. Well, good for you for doing it even though you're scared.
It was a 2 hour wait, but I was bumped up because I was staff. When the nurse-type-person talks to you about your eligibility, I've been asking them to test my iron first and test it with the spinny-thing, not just the chemical drop test (the spinny-thing is more accurate). So I did that, then she checked my forms and said that I could go in. Yay! After 3 attempts I get to actually do it again! The no-coffee and the burger probably helped, but I attribute my higher iron to, well, the iron pills that I've been taking almost daily for several months.
I realized as I was on the cot that it's better to donate at a blood bank, though, because the chairs are more comfy and they have a TV. Instead I was looking at all of the past student council presidents of the college. For like almost an hour. Marlene was the first woman president, in 1978.
As my phlobat.... blood-taker-person was inserting the needle, she squirted some of my blood. She said that I had juicy blood. :) She looked on my clothes to try to see if you had squirted on them. She left briefly and came back, saying that she had a co-worker see if she had my blood on her face. Ew. Perhaps she even squirted some of the photos of those past presidents. I'm just excited to have juicy blood.
I was also excited to finally get a cup of coffee after several days after I was finished, but she said to just drink water for the rest of the day (and avoid exercise). Dang. So I just ate the obligatory cookies and juice. No passing out this time, woot! I called folks because: a) I was excited to have juicy blood; b) I was killing time until my little friend had started her donation. I was wasting more and more time and it still wasn't her turn. Finally, she gets in, so I wander around a bit, waiting for the needle to be inserted to let her tell me how easy it was. When I go up to her, she says that she's not giving blood. Huh? You're on the table, you've been cleared, she might've even had the needle in her arm! Since I don't actually know this person, I don't ask why, I just compliment her again on trying, and wish her luck on her next attempt. Weird.
Juicy blood.
Juicy, juicy, juicy blood.
Squirt.
Staycation
I had been really looking forward to this holiday weekend. I had four days off, and thought that it would be a great time to get out of town. I've been feeling stuck or unsatisfied in my life lately, and thought a nice adventure would be a good diversion.
But, mainly due to poor planning, none of my travel ideas came to fruition. I did finally finish my taxes, and do some other projects that I've been meaning to get done. That's good, right?
I ended up inviting folks over for last night. I invited most of my local friends, but only three said that they were going to make it. I was pretty nervous that it'd be awkward, with just a few of us staring at each other over mounds of cheese.
I almost canceled it, but decided that we could still have fun, even it was just a few of us. It's not like this was a MeetUp event, where it's considered a failure if only three people are there. This was just friends hanging out!
I didn't cancel, and it ended up being a really nice time. Unexpected friends came, even bearing gifts (I <3 my "Potential Slayer" t-shirt!), and people who were unsure if they could make it ended up coming. So it wasn't just me and a friend or two, but enough people to play Taboo! Although we didn't play Taboo.
Lots of cheese (the horseradish and wasabi blend was the best) using my new cheese set, wine, soda, smoked salmon, and dips were had by all. Then we played Apples to Apples (even though I had mentioned Settlers of Catan in my invite; this wasn't a Settlers type of crowd), followed by using Apples to Apples cards to read tarot (I had to have a second opinion; my first reading was unsatisfactory). I followed this up with my surprise: dark chocolate fondue!
Part of the invite included my hot tub, but I checked and it was a cold tub, not even tepid. [shakes fist at condo Board]. So we talked some more. I'm really glad that I didn't cancel. It was comforting to hang out with friends, to talk and laugh. I need to do that more often.
Oh, and my Apples to Apples tarot reading? My future will be juicy. :)
But, mainly due to poor planning, none of my travel ideas came to fruition. I did finally finish my taxes, and do some other projects that I've been meaning to get done. That's good, right?
I ended up inviting folks over for last night. I invited most of my local friends, but only three said that they were going to make it. I was pretty nervous that it'd be awkward, with just a few of us staring at each other over mounds of cheese.
I almost canceled it, but decided that we could still have fun, even it was just a few of us. It's not like this was a MeetUp event, where it's considered a failure if only three people are there. This was just friends hanging out!
I didn't cancel, and it ended up being a really nice time. Unexpected friends came, even bearing gifts (I <3 my "Potential Slayer" t-shirt!), and people who were unsure if they could make it ended up coming. So it wasn't just me and a friend or two, but enough people to play Taboo! Although we didn't play Taboo.
Lots of cheese (the horseradish and wasabi blend was the best) using my new cheese set, wine, soda, smoked salmon, and dips were had by all. Then we played Apples to Apples (even though I had mentioned Settlers of Catan in my invite; this wasn't a Settlers type of crowd), followed by using Apples to Apples cards to read tarot (I had to have a second opinion; my first reading was unsatisfactory). I followed this up with my surprise: dark chocolate fondue!
Part of the invite included my hot tub, but I checked and it was a cold tub, not even tepid. [shakes fist at condo Board]. So we talked some more. I'm really glad that I didn't cancel. It was comforting to hang out with friends, to talk and laugh. I need to do that more often.
Oh, and my Apples to Apples tarot reading? My future will be juicy. :)
Complete
Several people have told me recently, and several others in the past, that happiness can't come from a partner, but must come from within. Someone I was really close to in the past often talked about not being a C who was looking for a O to complete them (or another C), that a healthy couple should be 2 complete O's. Similarly, the last person that I dated gave me his copy of The Missing Piece Meets the Big O. In that awesomely simple but complex story, the missing piece must round itself out and become it's own O before it can be happy.
Part of me agrees with this idea.
But part of wonders what you do if you are most happy in a couple, sharing your life with someone else. How can you be complete without someone special to share things with? What if you are a C, and your missing line is coupledom? Why can't the missing piece fit into a pac-man piece, and they grow together?
Most of my adult life, I've been single and not lonely or unhappy. On the other hand, at least while in California, I've usually had 1-2 really special friends in my life, people that I saw every weekend and often during the week, people that I called to share my life with, people who I could count on to hang out with if I were bored. I was never lonely because I had them. I know you're going to say "That's what friends are like!" May be. Best friends, may be. Super best friends.
I don't recall these really significant friendships in Nebraska, though. I was rarely lonely in Nebraska, but never really had one or two super-close friendships, either. Other than when I was dating J, of course. I wonder what the difference is between my friends then and my friends now? How are my social circles and/or activities different? Why wasn't I lonely then with "just" friendships? Have I changed?
Part of me agrees with this idea.
But part of wonders what you do if you are most happy in a couple, sharing your life with someone else. How can you be complete without someone special to share things with? What if you are a C, and your missing line is coupledom? Why can't the missing piece fit into a pac-man piece, and they grow together?
Most of my adult life, I've been single and not lonely or unhappy. On the other hand, at least while in California, I've usually had 1-2 really special friends in my life, people that I saw every weekend and often during the week, people that I called to share my life with, people who I could count on to hang out with if I were bored. I was never lonely because I had them. I know you're going to say "That's what friends are like!" May be. Best friends, may be. Super best friends.
I don't recall these really significant friendships in Nebraska, though. I was rarely lonely in Nebraska, but never really had one or two super-close friendships, either. Other than when I was dating J, of course. I wonder what the difference is between my friends then and my friends now? How are my social circles and/or activities different? Why wasn't I lonely then with "just" friendships? Have I changed?
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Reward
In one of their "how to reach your goals" articles, SparkPeople said that a reachable weight-loss goal was 10% of your current weight. And I've done it!!
Rather than just moving on to 10% of my now current weight, I thought that I should pause and reward myself for this accomplishment. Reward is also part of their "how to reach your goals" plan. But I'm having trouble deciding on a good reward. They strongly discourage using food as a reward, so there goes steak, a nice dinner, or extra fancy cheese. Here are some of my other ideas:
And how did I lose my 10%? I'm not exactly sure. Right before I started losing weight, I started running 3 miles once or twice a week. I also became single, so I didn't go out to eat as often, and especially missed out on diner breakfasts on Sunday mornings. I also began teaching a class and taking a class, so I had much less time to workout. Some articles on SparkPeople suggest that you can work out too much, or not eat enough for how much you're working out, so it is technically possible that by working out fewer times a week, I was able to lose weight.
So, really, I don't know what the cause is. I'm continuing to run, I'm trying not to go out to eat with people whom I'm dating, and I'm trying to take at least one week night off from the gym. We'll see how it goes!
Rather than just moving on to 10% of my now current weight, I thought that I should pause and reward myself for this accomplishment. Reward is also part of their "how to reach your goals" plan. But I'm having trouble deciding on a good reward. They strongly discourage using food as a reward, so there goes steak, a nice dinner, or extra fancy cheese. Here are some of my other ideas:
- massage
- facial
- new clothes or shoes (except I don't really enjoy shopping)
- extra TV/Netflix time (when?!)
- yoga class package
- travel/trip (and not just an extra visit to the family)
- magazine subscription
- Flat screen TV?
- party?
- Other?
And how did I lose my 10%? I'm not exactly sure. Right before I started losing weight, I started running 3 miles once or twice a week. I also became single, so I didn't go out to eat as often, and especially missed out on diner breakfasts on Sunday mornings. I also began teaching a class and taking a class, so I had much less time to workout. Some articles on SparkPeople suggest that you can work out too much, or not eat enough for how much you're working out, so it is technically possible that by working out fewer times a week, I was able to lose weight.
So, really, I don't know what the cause is. I'm continuing to run, I'm trying not to go out to eat with people whom I'm dating, and I'm trying to take at least one week night off from the gym. We'll see how it goes!
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Weekend of Cooking
Many of my FB Friends write about the meals that they've made or just eaten. Often they are gourmet-esque, but it always bothers me a bit because it's not like they completed an epic quest. They made dinner. Millions of people make three meals a day!
But here's where I eat crow, because I'm writing about the food that I made this weekend. Mostly because it was a pretty epic amount of items in just two days!
First, I made stuffed salmon. Okay, this one was easy because I bought the salmon already-stuffed from CostCo. I like to have enough main dishes, veggie side dishes, and fruit to last all of the lunches for the week. Main dish=done!
I also started cooking for yoga. See, I read an article in Yoga Journal about how someone made bundt cake every day for a year, and gave it away to different people every week. She talked about the act of giving made the act of baking a more spiritual practice. It wouldn't be spiritual if I did it every week, but a hassle, so I decided to cook something for someone once a month. The first problem that I ran in to is that I don't want to give my friends sugary or fattening gifts! Everyone is trying to be healthier, and I don't want my spiritual practice to derail someone. So for my first attempt, in January, I made the person that I was seeing a fruit and nut bar. It didn't come out quite right because I have no patience for dicing, but he says that he liked. For February, a friend from work was sick, so I decided to make her something. I chose a healthy apply crisp, with oatmeal and wheat flour and apples (of course). It turned out pretty well! Spiritual practice=done!
On to my vegetable box. I learned of Farm Fresh to You through a Groupon, and have been a member for two months now. I. Love. It. I love getting food delivered to my door. I love organic fruit and vegetables. I love someone else choosing a variety of new (to me) and familiar fruits and veggies, picked at their peak. This month, I received kale in my wonderful little box. Huh. Kale. What the heck to do you do with kale? So I looked up kale recipes online, and found that I shouldn't have cooked the chard so quickly; there are lots of soup recipes that include chard, kale, and beans. Sounds yummy! Oh, yeah, so I also cooked chard this weekend in soy sauce. Since the chard was out, I chose a recipe for kale chips. You just bake the kale leaves with season salt and some oil, and they turn out like seasoned seaweed. So yummy!
Finally, I also try to make one recipe a week from a cookbook. The cookbook that I'm currently going through is a birthday present that has recipes for pesto and tapenade. This week's "pesto" was an artichoke spread. I'm not sure that it should be called a "pesto" since it had neither pine nuts nor basil in it, but it was in the cookbook! I bought a giant jar of artichokes from CostCo, but couldn't get it opened! Rather than cry over my artichokes, I went to a neighbor and had him open in. He's a nice older gentleman. Always says hi to me. Calls me darling. Anyway, he opened it, so I gave him about half of the spread as a "Thank you." Which is too bad, because I just had it last night, and it is certainly very delicious!
That's my weekend of cooking. With the ingredients I have on hand, I could make a mean Square-1, too. I might do that next weekend. Square-1 is the name of a vegetable casserole that I made up, and my girlfriend (at the time) named. Because it was in a square pan. And it was the first dish that she named.
Lots of cooking=lots of eating. Yes!
But here's where I eat crow, because I'm writing about the food that I made this weekend. Mostly because it was a pretty epic amount of items in just two days!
First, I made stuffed salmon. Okay, this one was easy because I bought the salmon already-stuffed from CostCo. I like to have enough main dishes, veggie side dishes, and fruit to last all of the lunches for the week. Main dish=done!
I also started cooking for yoga. See, I read an article in Yoga Journal about how someone made bundt cake every day for a year, and gave it away to different people every week. She talked about the act of giving made the act of baking a more spiritual practice. It wouldn't be spiritual if I did it every week, but a hassle, so I decided to cook something for someone once a month. The first problem that I ran in to is that I don't want to give my friends sugary or fattening gifts! Everyone is trying to be healthier, and I don't want my spiritual practice to derail someone. So for my first attempt, in January, I made the person that I was seeing a fruit and nut bar. It didn't come out quite right because I have no patience for dicing, but he says that he liked. For February, a friend from work was sick, so I decided to make her something. I chose a healthy apply crisp, with oatmeal and wheat flour and apples (of course). It turned out pretty well! Spiritual practice=done!
On to my vegetable box. I learned of Farm Fresh to You through a Groupon, and have been a member for two months now. I. Love. It. I love getting food delivered to my door. I love organic fruit and vegetables. I love someone else choosing a variety of new (to me) and familiar fruits and veggies, picked at their peak. This month, I received kale in my wonderful little box. Huh. Kale. What the heck to do you do with kale? So I looked up kale recipes online, and found that I shouldn't have cooked the chard so quickly; there are lots of soup recipes that include chard, kale, and beans. Sounds yummy! Oh, yeah, so I also cooked chard this weekend in soy sauce. Since the chard was out, I chose a recipe for kale chips. You just bake the kale leaves with season salt and some oil, and they turn out like seasoned seaweed. So yummy!
Finally, I also try to make one recipe a week from a cookbook. The cookbook that I'm currently going through is a birthday present that has recipes for pesto and tapenade. This week's "pesto" was an artichoke spread. I'm not sure that it should be called a "pesto" since it had neither pine nuts nor basil in it, but it was in the cookbook! I bought a giant jar of artichokes from CostCo, but couldn't get it opened! Rather than cry over my artichokes, I went to a neighbor and had him open in. He's a nice older gentleman. Always says hi to me. Calls me darling. Anyway, he opened it, so I gave him about half of the spread as a "Thank you." Which is too bad, because I just had it last night, and it is certainly very delicious!
That's my weekend of cooking. With the ingredients I have on hand, I could make a mean Square-1, too. I might do that next weekend. Square-1 is the name of a vegetable casserole that I made up, and my girlfriend (at the time) named. Because it was in a square pan. And it was the first dish that she named.
Lots of cooking=lots of eating. Yes!
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Texts from my Boy Friends
As anyone who knows me can tell you, I hate to make decisions. So tonight I texted a silly decision that I needed to make to some people so that they could make the decisions for me. I ended up choosing four guy friends (well, one of them is more than a friend) who usually text me back quickly. And they did. I got this sequence of texts within 60 seconds of sending my text. Here is what we wrote:
Me: Random question for you, my magic 8ball: Should I go to Target on the way to the gym tonight?
Oh, my boy friends make me smile. They're so cute! And helpful.
Anyway, before Guy 1 even texted me back, I had decided to wait on going to Target to exchange the pants that I just bought for a smaller size until I had my shopping list with me; there's bound to be something that I need there!
Me: Random question for you, my magic 8ball: Should I go to Target on the way to the gym tonight?
Guy 1: Yes, if you need something from Target.
Guy 2: Left, corner pocket.
Guy 2: Oops, wrong 8 ball.
Guy 3: My sources say yes.
Guy 4: Unclear at this time, ask again later...
Guy 2: Unless item at Target is a medical or work necessity, go after the gym.
Oh, my boy friends make me smile. They're so cute! And helpful.
Anyway, before Guy 1 even texted me back, I had decided to wait on going to Target to exchange the pants that I just bought for a smaller size until I had my shopping list with me; there's bound to be something that I need there!
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