A friend was complaining about the messages that she gets from guys on online dating sites. She gave an example, and the guy's profile name was something like "NiceGuysFinLast". His message, and screen name, totally reminded me of an essay that Zabba directed me to years ago: Why Nice Guys are Such Losers.
This essay always gives me a lot to think about. I do gravitate towards men who are compliant. I like that about them. But I also want them to be assertive, make decisions, have a voice. I want them to lead.
I wonder why I don't want compliant women? But no matter what gender I date, I do want them to pamper me. Is that different from compliant?
Another post on this topic (The Man with No Spine) adds another concern. Lately I've felt pretty needy and clingy. Could I be a spineless Nice Gal? Am I nice to people to try to get something? What if that "something" is just love, affection, a friend? Am I passive? I'm loud and opinionated and bossy, but when you get to truly know me, away from other people, I actually think that I'm pretty submissive. Is that needy or manipulative?
Wait, am I even nice to people? May be it's just the passive part.
I don't know. Boundaries are hard. I wonder if I'll find a balance between my brassiness and passiveness, and another person's nurturing but decisiveness?
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